what day is it and did you see me today?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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