the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
