how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize