i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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