I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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