I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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