We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
