he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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