anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
