I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I said "one day" and that day is not today
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
