I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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