real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
