Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
