I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I cannot find my penis.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
