so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
