he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
