Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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