well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
