Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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