Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
