Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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