Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
