I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
