Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
