So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
