Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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