Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I look better un-naked...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
