i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
