Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He did a backflip because drugs
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