im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
