its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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