You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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