i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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