You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
