Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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