He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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