"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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