hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
