Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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