u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
