The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
