in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
