Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Randomize
