She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
