i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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