I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
