3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
