I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
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