We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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