OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
